


Fool Hearted Man

by tmn1966



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angsty Schmoop, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-21
Updated: 2014-12-21
Packaged: 2018-03-02 16:38:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2818985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tmn1966/pseuds/tmn1966
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jeff was certain people really didn’t ‘fall in love’. He’d been there, done that and all it led to was hurt. Casual was definitely the way to go. </p>
<p>Jensen was just as sure that falling in love was the easy part, it was staying there that took some skill. He wanted nothing more than a chance to show Jeff just how capable the heart was.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Author’s Note: This story wouldn’t have been possible without the inspiring prompt from beelikej. She’s been awesome to work with, and it was kind of freaky how well we clicked on how the story should go. Since our first emails, we hit it off and I’ve had nothing but a blast working with her. I’ve told her dozens of times and now I’m sharing it with you… this is our story, hers and mine, because we created it together. She’s blown me away with her beautiful art, her ideas, her editing, and her friendship. Most of the art is within the story, but please go check out her other pieces she made by going to her [Master Post](http://beelikej.livejournal.com/356515.html) and don’t forget to let her know what you think.
> 
> A huge thank you goes to my friend Joanne for her beta work. Another to sandymg for her support and advice, and being brave enough for me to read it through. I can’t thank the mods of the 2011 spn_reversebang enough. They’ve done a superb job in running this challenge and I’ve thoroughly enjoyed being part of it. And last, but certainly not least, thanks to you for reading. I hope you enjoy it.

[](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Cover_zpsdff1d4f6.jpg.html)

[](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Prolouge_zps08bbe07e.jpg.html)

Jensen had been attracted to Jeff since first meeting him, but he had worked on a series before where co-stars got involved and it was seriously not a fun place to be. So throughout the season, Jensen cultivated his friendships and nothing more, no matter how much he wanted something different.

Some of his friends, and particularly his family, thought Jensen had fallen for Jared. It just wasn’t that way between them. And no, Jensen hadn’t come out to Jared, was still very cautious about doing that with anyone new in his life, and maybe he was a little afraid, too. Jared was already fast becoming his closest friend and ally. He wasn’t about to mess that up.

When Jeff wasn’t on set, they kept in touch with phone calls, texts and emails. Jensen missed him when he wasn’t around and he didn’t think he was imagining that maybe Jeff was feeling the same way. Jensen had always been a private person and since hitting Hollywood, it amped up his need to keep a tight rein on his personal life. It wasn’t that much of a hardship to keep his fantasies in check.

During the filming of _Devil’s Trap_ things started to change. Jeff began to stand a little closer, would rest his hand on the back of Jensen’s neck or let it linger on his thigh. Jensen’s nerves were stretched thin trying to keep his feelings and libido in check until finally one evening it was just him and Jeff left at a small bar, a favorite hangout of the crew. Jeff slipped in a remark about one of the bar’s patrons who just happened to be male. There were no excuses of being too tired, or drunk, or emotionally wrung out from the set.

Jeff had gently teased Jensen about his photography, but always seemed to want to get a look at whatever he’d captured. So Jensen took the initiative, and invited Jeff to his place to look over the photos he’d taken during the course of the season. Jeff had immediately accepted the invitation and followed Jensen back to his hotel.

“These are really good,” Jeff said as he looked through the electronic album, studying a photo of an old farm house. The building wasn’t one that they had used for their shoots as it was too unstable, ready to fall down. But Jensen had been drawn to the fact that it was still standing, looking like a skeleton with boards missing here and there. “You have an eye for detail, stuff that people don’t normally see.”

“Just a hobby.” Jensen shrugged as he handed him a beer. He stood behind him and looked over his shoulder as Jeff continued to browse through the photos on Jensen’s laptop. “Something to do when there’s time between scenes or whatever.”

There were several shots of the cast and crew, most of them candid, which were his favorite. He hadn’t realized how many there were of Jared, but Jensen spent most of his time with him now, and Jared was a spaz, so it was fun to capture those moments.

“You and Jared are close.”

“Yeah,” Jensen said with a frustrated sigh.

“I’m not gonna give you shit about it,” Jeff said softly.

Jensen took a long swig of beer, his eyes on Jeff even as he tilted his head back. “For what, exactly?”

“If it’s more than friendship.”

“It’s not. I’m not with Jared nor do I want to be,” Jensen said carefully before draining his beer. “Look, I’m beat. Gonna take a shower and head on to bed.”

“Oh. Sure.” Jeff stood, set his beer carefully on the desk.

“You can stay, if you’d like. Finish your drink or whatever.”

“Whatever?”

Jensen licked his lips slowly. If his words weren’t invitation enough, then he wasn’t ashamed to use his body. “Yeah. Whatever you’d like, Jeff.”

“I’d like to fuck you into next week.” Jeff looked a little surprised, like he hadn’t meant to say that.

Jensen smirked. “I’m not going to stop you.”

He didn’t remember getting to the bedroom, let alone when they’d managed to get all their clothes off. What he did know was Jeff was a good kisser and knew how to use his body to entice and please, and he obviously knew what he wanted. All things that turned Jensen on.

He pushed Jeff softly onto the bed so that Jeff’s feet remained on the floor as Jensen went down on his knees. He glanced up at Jeff, ready to give him one more out just in case. “We good?” 

“Won’t be if you stop the direction you’re going in.”

Jensen slid his hands up Jeff’s thighs, pushed on them gently. “Open ‘em up a little wider.”

Jeff complied, his cock already hard, the head wet and slippery with pre-come. When Jensen ran his finger up the underside of it, Jeff’s hips followed the action, sending a jolt of pleasure into the pit of Jensen’s stomach. Jensen flicked his tongue across the head of Jeff’s dick and it was just a matter of a second, maybe two, before Jensen had his lips wrapped around him. 

Jeff leaned back, braced himself on the bed with one hand, the other finding its way to the nape of Jensen’s neck, fingertips lightly grazing his skin. Shit, the number of fantasies that Jensen’s had just on Jeff’s hands alone would be embarrassing if anyone knew. Having those hands on him now was almost Jensen’s undoing. He needed to get a little control back, maybe get Jeff to lose some of his, so he cupped his hand around Jeff’s balls, gave them a little tug, and heard the sharp intake of breath.

“Jen, wait,” Jeff said as he tried to shift, and Jensen did as he asked, looking up at him, Jeff’s cock still in his mouth. “Aw, fuck, look at you. Shit, I’m gonna come,” he warned. 

If he expected Jensen to pull off, he was going to be disappointed. Jensen doubled his efforts, sucking harder, his tongue rubbing against Jeff’s cock. His fingers curled tighter into Jensen’s hair and pulled a little as he fucked into his mouth. Jeff pumped only a few times before Jensen felt the pulse against his tongue. Jeff bent forward, both his arms wrapping loosely around him, his hands sliding down Jensen’s back, who didn’t stop, just slowed down a little.

“Goddamn,” Jeff said breathlessly letting his arms fall away. “Sorry.”

Jensen gave him a knowing smirk. “We got all night. Lots we can do yet.”

“My recovery time ain’t what it used to be.”

“Couldn’t help it.” Jensen stood and slid into his lap, straddling him. “Been wanting to taste you forever.”

“That long, huh?”

“Wanting your hands on me a lot longer than that,” Jensen said, rotating his pelvis slowly.

“Think I can accomplish that,” Jeff answered with a lazy grin as he palmed Jensen and it felt better than he could have ever imagined. This was something he was going to savor and it wasn’t too surprising that he lost track of time.

When Jensen’s alarm went off a few hours later, he was sleepy but satiated. “Fuck,” he swore softly as he flung out a hand to slap against the nightstand before finally finding its target. Once the shrill noise had been quieted, he rolled over, expecting to run into a warm body, but found the bed empty. Sitting up he could see Jeff was fully dressed, struggling into his shoes.

“You’re leaving?” Jensen asked, squinting against the soft light spilling from the bathroom. He hadn’t even realized they’d fallen asleep.

“You’ve got to go to work,” Jeff said with a small smile and shrug.

“You can stay. Get some sleep.”

“Nah, can’t. Got things I need to do.”

“Oh. Sure. We can meet up –”

“Jensen,” Jeff interrupted, his voice soft and Jensen wasn’t sure what else, maybe regretful. “Last night was good. Really good. But that’s all it was. You knew that right?”

“Um.”

Jeff looked like he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. “Fuck, I’m sorry, Jen. I never meant… I don’t get involved with…”

Jensen waited but there didn’t seem to more that Jeff was going to add. He wanted to ask, but his mind was going in too many different directions. Last night had been awesome and it had ended with Jeff fucking him, and at the time Jensen had been more than okay with that because he thought there would be more. More nights together, dates, hanging out. Whatever. Only, now he realized there wasn’t going to be anything of the sort. 

Dammit, he was such an idiot. Jeff hadn’t _ever_ said _anything_. Jensen had only assumed, let himself fall a little too fast. This was his fault and he was too embarrassed for Jeff to see any of it.

Jensen got out of bed and had to fight the urge to drag the blankets along with him, the need to cover himself almost overwhelming. “Yeah, yeah. Of course. I get it. So, see you later, then. You’ll be on set tomorrow, right?”

“Jensen…”

Jensen held up a hand. “No, we’re cool.”

Jeff calling his name followed him into the bathroom but for Jensen there really wasn’t anything left to say. He’d find a way to get over it.


	2. Chapter 2

[](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Chapter1_zps65a80fd9.jpg.html) [ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jensen_zps54547bb3.png.html)

Jensen flexed his hands several times, curling them into fists before stretching out the fingers wide again, pacing the length of the lobby as he waited for the SUV to pull up out front. Normally Clif would call him just before he arrived so Jensen knew how much time he had to get his shit together, rush down from his room and jump into the vehicle. He never made them wait more than fifteen minutes, typically only five. Nothing was going to be normal about today, though. Today would be the first time he’d see Jeff in almost eight months, not since filming wrapped on _In My Time of Dying_. 

They’d smoothed things out between them after that one night. Even if they had wanted to spend another night together, there hadn’t been a chance for it. The schedule was busy and then Jensen had to get ready for filming _Ten Inch Hero_ and Jeff had about a thousand projects he was juggling. 

Jeff tried to talk to him about it a couple of times, but Jensen always brushed him off, told Jeff he was fine with it. No harm no foul. He was the one that had leapt to conclusions, not Jeff. One night of pleasure wasn’t going to screw up a friendship. Jensen wasn’t going to be that guy.

Then Jeff called him last night, voice full of innuendo and appeal.

_“Hey, Jen,” Jeff greeted when he picked up. “How’ve things been?”_

_Jensen sucked in a breath, trying to tell himself to calm the fuck down, tried for casual. “The usual, but I’m good. You?”_

_“Oh, you know, busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest,” Jeff drawled. “So, thought I’d stop by the set and see everyone tomorrow.”_

_“I didn’t think you were on call for a few days yet.”_

_“I’m not. Just wanted to say hello to everyone. Catch up.”_

_And there it was. The invitation was clear in the man’s voice and Jensen was drawn to it, wanted him just as desperately as he had the night they’d hooked up during the filming of the last episode of season one. Jensen felt the heat clench low in his belly, his dick taking notice, too. It’d be so easy to fall again, but he couldn’t let that happen. Not now. Not if it only meant he got just one night._

_“Catch up,” Jensen repeated flatly._

_“As simple as you want it to be, Jensen.”_

_Jensen didn’t want simple. He wanted Jeff in every complicated, wonderful way a relationship could bring. There was no way he could do the casual fuck again._

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he jerked his head up to look out the bank of windows as the SUV pulled into the circular drive, effectively drawing him away from his thoughts of one of the most awkward conversations of his life. He strode across the lobby, pissed off that the doors worked on sensors and he didn’t have the satisfaction of flinging them open. He settled for slamming the SUV door shut instead.

Jared looked up from his email, or text, or whatever the fuck he was doing with his phone as the vehicle rocked with the force of Jensen’s entrance. He gave Jensen a scrunched up worried look, but Jensen just waved him off, which earned him a grunt and pursed lips. Jared was gearing up for a full on interrogation.

“Later,” Jensen murmured.

After another moment’s assessment, Jared gave a nod and turned back to his phone.

The day was busy and Jensen didn’t even have to try and distract Jared from asking any questions. When Jeff showed up on set while he and Jared were walking toward craft services, Jensen did an abrupt about-face, making up some excuse that he had to go back to his trailer. It was lame and he should’ve known that Jared was going to call him on it.

He’d just flopped down on his couch when Jared came through the door without knocking. He knew he didn’t need an invitation and Jensen suspected that Jared was afraid he wouldn’t have received an answer anyway.

“So… spill it.” Jared sat down beside him, right on the edge, body cocked toward him. “What the fuck is up?”

“Jared –”

“This can’t be harder than telling me your deepest and darkest.”

Jensen snorted, shook his head. _That_ conversation happened only a few months ago, when he’d finally told Jared he was gay. He had been nervous for nothing. It hadn’t been difficult in the least. In fact, Jared had thanked him for trusting him with something so personal that had only been shared with family and a few select friends. Jared gave him a hug, and kissed him on the forehead, which Jensen would’ve hated had it come from anyone else besides his mom or Jared. The only change it made to their friendship was to make it that much stronger.

Jensen spared Jared a brief glance before his eyes were roaming, not sure how to tell this particular secret. It wasn’t only his, after all. Jared knew him better than just about anyone and he was also a tenacious son of a bitch. He wouldn’t let Jensen get away with shit, so he might as well get it over with. “I have this thing.”

“Thing?” Jared frowned and checked out Jensen from head to toe as if he was expecting to find some sort of growth or something.

“For someone.”

“Jeff,” Jared said immediately and Jensen could only gape at him. “Well, c’mon, I’m not an idiot. You start acting weird the minute Jeff hits town and… dude, I kinda figured it out when you two couldn’t stop hanging out with each other last season.”

“You knew?”

“Well, not for sure, but…” Jared shrugged.

Jensen flushed. He’d been so transparent.

“Jen,” Jared said quietly, “I don’t think anyone else knows. But, Jesus, we spend almost twenty-four/seven together the majority of the year.”

“You never said anything.”

“You weren’t ready for me to know yet.”

_Huh_. “I didn’t like keeping it from you.”

Jared smiled. “It’s okay, Jensen. I’m not upset that you didn’t tell me until now.” He patted Jensen’s knee once, twice, and gave it a little squeeze.

“So, what’s up with Jeff?” Jared prompted gently.

“It was only one night. I didn’t realize… I mean, I thought maybe it was more. Wanted it to be more. It wasn’t. He said… well, it doesn’t matter what he said.”

“Rat bastard,” Jared said, voice low, eyes narrowed.

Jensen grinned. He knew Jared liked Jeff, the three of them had always gotten along, had great chemistry on screen and off. It was kind of ridiculous to hear Jared calling Jeff names.

“He never lied to me, Jared, and I don’t want you to take sides.”

“I’m not. But you don’t treat people like shit, especially the ones you care about.”

“It’s not as serious as all that.”

“Jen, you’re tied up in fucking knots at seeing the man again, of course it’s serious.”

Before Jensen could reply, a rap at the door stopped him. “You boys decent in there,” Jeff’s voice called from the other side, easy and light.

Jared shot him a look, but Jensen shook his head. “It’s okay.”

“You want me to stay?”

“Nah, I gotta get over myself.”

Jensen could see the skepticism in his friend’s eyes, but after a moment Jared got off the couch and went to the door. He crowded close to Jeff as he walked by and although Jensen couldn’t see his face, knew he had given Jeff a warning look.

Jeff looked after Jared before stepping into the trailer and closing the door. “Kid’s been working out,” Jeff said with a smirk, but it faded as soon as he neared the couch. “You told him, eh?”

“He guessed.”

“I didn’t even realize you’d told him… everything.” Jeff looked uncomfortable, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans, his shoulders hunched.

“That I’m gay?” 

“I know you were nervous about it.”

“Yeah, well, I should’ve known better. Jared doesn’t give a shit.” He ran a hand over his hair. “Look, Jeff, about last night –”

“No,” Jeff interrupted, holding up a hand. “That was my fault. I assumed too much.”

“You didn’t.”

Jeff tilted his head in confusion. “But…”

“I don’t want just a one night stand again, or to be fuck buddies, or whatever. Not with you.”

“Oh, well sure,” Jeff said, hands sliding back into his pockets.

Jensen sighed and leaned his head back against the couch. “I mean, I want more than that from you.”

“You do?”

“Would you come the fuck over here and sit down,” Jensen said with mild irritation. “I’m getting a crick in my neck.”

“Oh, uh, no, I gotta…”

“Please. Just a minute.”

“We’re good, Jen, don’t worry about it.”

Shit, this wasn’t going at all the way he wanted. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Jeff said softly with a sad smile. “I was being presumptuous. I’m the one who needs to seek forgiveness.”

Jensen was a little pissed. Jeff _had_ assumed a lot, but Jensen had been playing it cool all along, not wanting to lose their friendship, so he’d let a lot of things go unsaid. “Look, can we just start over?”

The smile was a little less sad now. “Yeah. Yeah, we can do that. How ’bout dinner tonight? Get a group together and go out for steak or something.”

“Sounds good. Probably have to be late, though.”

“I didn’t forget about the long shooting schedules you guys have to endure,” Jeff said ruefully. “I’m not so old that I have to eat dinner by five and be in bed by nine.”

Jensen raked his eyes up and down Jeff’s body. He looked good, in shape and was sporting his bad ass rocker look with a black t-shirt, multiple rings and bracelets. Jensen wondered if he’d acquired any new tattoos over the last few months. Jensen never had a desire to get one, but he’d spent a lot of time admiring the man’s body, naked and clothed, and he loved listening to Jeff’s voice as he told him about each tattoo.

Being friends with Jeff would be easy. That was never a problem. It was tamping down everything else he felt for the man that would be the difficult part. He figured he could survive the week at least while filming for the season wrapped.

[ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jeff_zps1415e10b.png.html)

Jeff had a hard and fast rule. No sleeping with co-stars. It usually only led to a cluster fuck and he was an easy going kind of guy. The less entanglements, the better. Of course, that all flew out the window the day he met Jensen fucking Ackles. At first, it wasn’t difficult to keep any fantasy he may have had about Jensen to just that, easy enough when he wasn’t sure if Jensen even swung that way. It helped that he, Jensen and Jared got along like three goofball brothers, and you didn’t run across that often in this business. No need to fuck that up.

By the time Jeff was in the series more, toward the end of the season, Jensen and Jared were pretty tight and Jeff felt a little bit like an outsider. Neither of them treated him any different, but there were looks that passed between the two, inside jokes and the like, that made Jeff think that maybe, just maybe the two had a little something going on. He knew Jared had a girlfriend, but that could mean anything. 

Then they were shooting the last episode that had them all jammed up with emotions, not only for the scenes they had to do, but also the uncertainty of the show’s future. And Jeff wasn’t quite sure how it all happened, how he let his resolve slip, but the invitation to go to Jensen’s place was accepted and the inevitable happened.

Hindsight being twenty/twenty is a cruel son of a bitch. Jeff could see now how much more Jensen wanted than just a one night stand, or friends with benefits. Jeff had never had a problem getting any girl or guy that he set his sights on if he wanted them bad enough, and it was easy to keep things light, the ‘let’s keep it just as friends’. He’d never been in love, not really. He’d thought he had, even got married and what a craptastic adventure that had been. He wasn’t husband material pure and simple. He never wanted to hurt a person like that again and he was afraid he’d done that to Jensen. 

When he got to the restaurant that evening, the large round table was full, one seat left empty, across from Jensen but beside Jared. He couldn’t help but wonder if it was purposefully done.

“Jeff, nice to see you,” Kim said. “Wish we could’ve had you back before this one.”

Jeff admired the man and was glad he was the one directing this episode. He also knew how much both boys, especially Jensen, liked working with Kim. “Hey, well, you know, at least I finally get out of hell,” Jeff said with a grin.

Jensen was speaking with Serge, gave Jeff a welcoming smile, but otherwise didn’t say anything to him directly.

“You my babysitter?” Jeff asked quietly, leaning toward Jared.

Jared cocked an eyebrow. “Think you might need one?”

“No. Someone else think I do?”

“I don’t speak for anyone else.”

“Jared the Protector, eh?”

“Don’t be an asshole, Jeff,” Jared said tiredly. 

Jeff took a moment to gather his thoughts, looked back over at Jensen and saw the question in the younger man’s eyes, wondering if everything was okay. It was pretty clear now that Jeff had been reading too much into the situation. They always sat in the first available chair and Jared was Jensen’s friend – best friend – of course he was going to look out for the man, asked or not.

“I don’t want to be.”

Jared gave a small smile, and Jeff was thankful it was real. “Glad to hear that.”

The tension eased out of Jeff’s shoulders and it felt good to be around this crew again. He hoped everyone knew how lucky they were. The hours were incredibly tough, but to have a cast and crew that meshed so well together was no easy feat. As soon as dinner was over, people started heading for home until it was just Kim, Jared, Jensen and Jeff left at the restaurant.

The seating got shuffled around so they weren’t spread out around the table and now Jensen was sitting right beside Jeff. Kim used the time to go over some issues he wanted to address regarding Jeff’s scene, and Jeff tried to pay attention, but his mind kept drifting to Jensen. Kim blocked out the scene with sugar packets, the salt and pepper shakers, and only one instance of smacking Jared's hands away when he tried to swap out the creamer that was representing him for a bottle of steak sauce. When no one else had any other ideas or questions, and Kim seemed satisfied with the results, he called it a night. Jeff didn't envy the man as his day usually started earlier than anyone else’s. Jared and Jensen shared some silent communication thing and then it was just Jeff and Jensen alone.

“It’s good to have you back,” Jensen said with a warm smile. “I think the fans are gonna be happy to see Papa Winchester again, kicking some demon ass.”

Jeff winced. “Man, don’t call me papa. Makes me feel old.”

Jensen sipped at his drink, smoothed his napkin, folding it over and over, before finally lifting his eyes to Jeff’s. “Was that the problem? The age difference?”

“No,” Jeff answered immediately. “I was honest when I said I don’t get involved with anyone. I’m sorry for not making that clear from the beginning.”

“What’s wrong with relationships?”

“I’m not good at them. My marriage tanked. I mean, look at our lives. We’d never be able to see each other.” Shit! That was not at all what he’d meant to say, like he was actually considering something more between them.

“Yeah, I get that, but I was already prepared for that no matter who I was with. Not like I want my personal life on display. Any relationship I have has got to be… quiet.”

“Like a dirty secret.” Jesus, he was fucking this all to hell. “I’m sorry, Jen, that’s not what I meant.”

“No, it’s okay,” Jensen said sadly. “Not everyone wants to be in a relationship that they can’t tell anyone about. But, I mean, my family knows, so anyone I’m involved with better not mind having them in our lives. And, of course, Jared will always be sticking his nose into things, and the person I’m with has to understand that and be as okay with it as I am.”

“You’re lucky to have someone like Jared,” Jeff murmured. “I’m glad you can trust him.”

“I should’ve told him I was gay a long time ago. But, you get used to certain things and you feel like that’s the way it has to be. Sometimes you just gotta let go.”

Jeff snorted, looked down at his empty glass and tapped it on the table a couple of times. “Why would you even want to be with me? You could have anyone.”

Jensen’s eyes flashed a moment of hurt, then anger, only to be replaced with a smirk that didn’t look like Jensen at all. “All this could’ve been yours, man.” He stood then, dug his wallet out of his pocket and threw some bills on the table. “So, gotta get up early, better head on home. See you in a couple of days, yeah?”

“Sure, of course,” Jeff said absently. He had made a lot of mistakes in his life, but this one, he was afraid, would be one he would regret for a long time.


	3. Chapter 3

[](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Chapter2_zpsd4935a52.jpg.html) [ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jensen_zps54547bb3.png.html)

Jensen was torn between having done the right thing and being stupid for not giving into temptation. Friendship with Jeff wasn’t difficult, he had that all along and they fell back into it easily through shooting the necessary scenes.

The wrap party was a different story. Everyone was relaxed, celebrating, and it would be too easy to give in to his inner desires. So it was best that Jensen not be there too long. Jared had been running interference for him, and as thankful for that as he was, Jensen was still exhausted. It was a lot of work to keep up the celebratory persona, while keeping an eye on Jeff in order to stay just far enough away to resist him but not so much as to look strange.

Jensen found Jared across the room talking to a few PAs, laughing at some story. Jensen made a beeline for him because Jared was his compass when it came to social stuff. Jensen normally loved hanging out with the crew, but he was too whacked out to even know how long he’d really been there. It seemed like it had been hours, but maybe it wasn’t even an hour yet.

He nudged Jared’s shoulder. “Dude, I gotta get outta here.”

Jared dropped an arm casually over Jensen’s shoulder, made a quick excuse to the group and steered him toward a quiet corner. “Want me to come with?”

“No. I’m just tired. Need to get some sleep.”

“Yeah,” Jared said, drawing the word out, “right. You know, that’s one of the most over-used excuses by guys ever.”

For all Jensen knew, it was a fact. Jared was a veritable cornucopia of useful _and_ trivial knowledge. “Jared, c’mon, man. It’s been a rough shoot.”

Jared looked immediately contrite. “Fuck, I wasn’t thinking, Jen.”

“Just… you think it’s okay if I leave.”

“Jensen,” Jared said with a chuckle. “You’re one of the stars of the show, you don’t have to explain to anyone that you’re calling it a night. Just go, man.”

“But –”

“When are you flying out?”

“Couple of days, want to catch up on some sleep before I head down to Texas.”

“Okay, look, you go ahead and slip out. We already did the speech thing, so goodbyes have been essentially done. Then we’ll go out to dinner or something tomorrow, okay?”

Jensen huffed out a puff of air, his body deflating along with it, grateful for the escape Jared was providing. “Thanks.”

It looked like Jared wanted to say more, and Jensen hesitated, but Jared only engulfed him in a tight hug and sent him on his way. Jensen went home, or at least what he considered his home in Vancouver. A small hotel suite that was pretty bland and sometimes very lonely. The place was in chaos right now as he was in the midst of packing. Ideally he should go to LA first and then to Texas, but LA didn’t feel any more like home to him now than this hotel room.

He hadn’t been kidding when he’d told Jared he was tired and by the time he trudged to the bedroom, he only had enough energy to throw his clothes onto a chair and fall into bed. As he lay sprawled out, he thought of _A Few Good Men_ , the play he would be in with Lou Diamond Phillips. It sent him spiraling down the path of rehearsals and acting live in front of an audience. He hadn’t been in a play since high school and although he was still excited about it, he was also scared as fuck.

His phone rang just as he was trying to clear his mind and do the exercise where you think of relaxing each part of your body so he could hopefully fall asleep. It was probably Jared checking up on him, so he picked up without checking the ID screen.

“’Lo.”

“Where’d you run off to in such a hurry?” Jeff asked lightly.

Jensen snorted. “I didn’t run anywhere. Just came home. Some of us have had a long fucking week. You know, lines to memorize, getting thrown around in graveyards.”

“Aww, you don’t think I have to practice my sad face?”

Jensen laughed. “You’ve probably had that down pat since you were two.”

“Dunno, you’d have to ask my mom that one, but she probably wouldn’t disagree.”

“Shit, between you and Jared… hope you two never gang up on me.”

Jeff chuckled. “You flying out tomorrow?”

“Not for a couple of days yet. Going straight to Texas.”

“Heard you got some work there in a couple of months.”

“Yeah, just thinking of ways I can get out of it.”

“You were not,” Jeff scoffed.

“Jesus, I’m gonna blow all my lines, miss cues. I’m used to having a chance at making it perfect before the audience sees my work.”

“You are one of the most prepared actors I know. You’re gonna get out on that stage and kick some serious ass.”

“That’s what my mom said.”

“Well, I ain’t your mom. I’m a guy that has worked with you and I _know_ what you can do. Besides, the world would have to end for you not to honor a commitment.”

“Shut up.” At least Jeff wasn’t there to witness his smile, the flush that accompanied it. He couldn’t help but like the fact that Jeff knew some pieces of him so well. Maybe someday Jeff would want to get to know the rest of him better.

“It’s as easy as breathing, Jensen. You’ll get up on that stage and it’ll feel like you belong there, you’ll remember your lines, your cues and you’ll be fucking awesome.”

“Thanks,” Jensen said quietly.

“I’m not saying it to stroke your ego. I know what you’re capable of.”

“Okay. Now seriously, shut up.” He waited for Jeff’s chuckle to taper off before he offered, “I know you’re balls to the walls busy, but you’re welcome to come to a performance if you can manage it.”

“Aw, shit, Jen, I wish I could.”

“I figured, just wanted to let you know.”

“Thanks, man,” Jeff said softly. “I appreciate it.”

They talked a few more minutes about schedules and time off and just like last year’s hiatus, there was no time for them to see each other.

There was a small lull in the conversation and Jensen was about to call it a night when Jeff’s voice turned serious. “Hey, Jen, I didn’t mean to piss you off the other night.”

“What? When?” He honestly couldn’t remember being angry at Jeff.

“You know, at dinner. Well, after dinner to be precise.” Jeff sounded flustered and his voice was low and quiet. “When I asked why you would want to be with me.”

Oh. That. “Forget about it.”

Jeff sighed. “Look. I feel like I fucked up big time.”

“You didn’t. It’s just… people say that kind of stuff to me all the time, but they don’t really mean it, right?”

“I’m not following.”

“I can have anyone I want? Really? ’Cause that’s not the way it looks from where I’m sitting. My parents, although they’ve accepted me for who I am, they still wish that it was a woman I was going to spend my life with, have a daughter-in-law to give them grandkids. That shit hurts, you know, because it’s something I _can’t_ give them. Just because I’m good looking doesn’t really give me that many advantages over anyone else when it comes to being in love. I’m not better than anyone else. I can’t make someone fall in love with me.”

“No, of course not.” Jeff said quietly. “But I’m not –”

“I know, Jeff. And because I want more, I can’t let anything go beyond what it already has.”

“Yeah,” Jeff murmured and Jensen wasn’t even sure what that meant. “You sound beat, I should let you get some sleep.”

Something seemed off. “Hey, are you okay? Where are you?”

“I’m fine. Still at the party, just waiting on my ride.”

“All right,” Jensen said, although he wasn’t entirely convinced.

“Take care of yourself, sweetheart,” Jeff said, his voice soft, full of tenderness and maybe a little regret. “Catch up with you soon.”

The call was disconnected, leaving him blinking at his phone with no response readily available even if Jeff hadn’t hung up. Jeff had called him lots of things but never sweetheart, and damn if Jensen didn’t want to hear him say it again.

[ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jeff_zps1415e10b.png.html)

“What the hell,” Jeff muttered to himself as he threw clothes into his suitcase. He’d called Jensen last night just to wish him luck with the play. He hadn’t known Jensen was even doing it until Jared happened to mention it at the wrap party. And then what did he go and do? Said a pet name out loud that was supposed to stay in his head! _Sweetheart_.

“Fuckin’ moron.” He threw a pair of jeans into the luggage and zipped it up with more force than necessary. Not that he hadn’t ever wanted to say it before, but Jesus, he didn’t have the right.

He stood with his hands on his hips and looked at the clothes still scattered around that hadn’t even made it into the bag before he’d closed it. His cell phone was sitting on the nightstand and he grabbed it and punched in the speed dial number before he could re-think the action.

“Jeff,” his mom answered fondly. “Are you back in LA already?”

“No, just about ready to leave Vancouver.”

“Oh?” It was a casual observation, but she knew him too well. He knew she was waiting for him to spill his guts.

“I did something stupid last night.”

“How much stupidity are we talking?” she asked calmly.

“I think I might be falling for someone.”

“That’s the stupid part I presume.”

“No. Yes. Probably?”

“Since you can’t decide, it seems like more of a problem than you being idiotic. Does this person like you back?” She barked out a laugh. “Good Lord, I feel like I’m back in high school, playing guessing games at who likes whom.”

“Mom, you know I’m not good at this kind of thing.”

“Yes, dear,” she said indulgently. “So tell me what it actually is that you’re worried about.”

“It’s complicated.”

“Relationships generally are, especially for you.”

“ _Ma_!”

“Well, I knew it was only a matter of time until you fell in love.”

“I’m not even sure it _is_ love.”

“Pftt.” Clearly she wasn’t convinced.

He scratched his fingers through his stubble, letting the rasping sound make up for him not talking as he figured out what he wanted to say.

“Does this person have a name?”

“Mom,” he sighed. Now she was just being difficult.

“Jeffrey Dean,” she admonished lightly, “I’ve been waiting forever for you to get all dopey about someone. Allow me to have my moment.”

“Oh, sorry, forgot this was all about you,” he said with a smirk.

“Yes, so you might as well get it over with. You know you want to tell me or you wouldn’t have called.”

He opened his mouth to tell her, but nothing would come out. He’d confessed to her when he was barely twenty that he was bisexual, and she never even batted an eye. Maybe she’d guessed by then, but she’d never said, only told him she loved him, to be careful, and not get his heart broken in the process. He’d never had a boyfriend, and part of that was because he hadn’t wanted one. He’d been glad that he was attracted to women as well. It was easier back then to think that being with a woman was all he needed to make him happy in his romantic life. He’d been grateful when he found a woman he thought he could spend the rest of his life with, married her before he could talk himself out of it.

“Jeff… sweetie, are you still there?”

He sunk slowly down onto the bed, almost like a deflating balloon. His mom was a straight shooter, his biggest supporter, and she always made him face his fears and mistakes head on. “Mom, this is different. He’s different.”

There was a small sound, one he couldn’t interpret.

“Are you mad, Ma?” he asked hoarsely. He couldn’t stand the thought of her being upset by any of the choices he would make with his life, even if she would never say it out loud.

“Because it’s a man you’ve fallen for?”

“Yes.”

“No, son, of course not. Just a bit of a surprise.”

“You’re disappointed?” He wasn’t usually one that needed reassurance, especially when it came to his mom, but this had the potential of changing his entire life.

“Honey, I wasn’t upset when you first told me you were attracted to both women and men and I’m not disappointed or disgusted or any of those things you think I might be. You are my son, and I will always love you. I want to see you happy, and it thrills me to think you may finally have that within reach. This man makes you happy, doesn’t he?”

“I think he could.”

“Does he know how you feel about him?”

Jeff rubbed his hand over his head, smoothing down his hair, before messing it up again. “No, I screwed up, Ma.”

“You can’t fix it?”

“I don’t know. He’s a good man and I basically told him I only wanted to keep it casual.”

“And what did he say to that?”

“That he wanted more. And he does deserve that, Ma.” 

Jeff felt like a piece of shit. He’d left Jensen’s that night a year ago, one that had been full of pleasure, and told him that’s all it ever could be between them. He hadn’t intended it to ever happen again because it had been pretty clear that Jensen had been hurt, and wanted more than being friends with benefits. Jeff had been okay with his self-imposed ‘leave Jensen the hell alone’ edict since then. But when he realized he wouldn’t be needed for much on this episode, that he wouldn’t get to be around Jensen much, he kind of went a little crazy. He kept seeing Jensen naked and all those wonderful, sensual, exciting things that they’d been able to do on that one night. It was like Jeff needed that again as much as he needed to breathe.

“What you have to decide is what you really want. Do you want him in your life full-time or are you too afraid to take the chance?”

“He’s too young to get into a serious relationship.”

“Too young, or too young for _you_?”

“Twelve years is a big difference.”

“Ah, so it’s Jensen,” she said and he swore he could hear the smile in her voice. 

Jeff winced. “That obvious?”

She chuckled. “I don’t have my head buried in the sand. The age difference gave it away a little. Look, sweetie, I’m not going to talk you into anything. If you want to try this, you need to tell him, talk about all this with him. Love is and always will be a gamble, not a guarantee. Hearts get broken, but they do mend, son. You know this just as well as I.”

“I don’t want to hurt him.”

“I know you don’t,” she said quietly. “You don’t have to decide today, Jeff. Think on it, let it sink in.”

“Yeah, maybe.” He took a deep breath. “Maybe that’s a good idea.”

“You bring Bisou to visit me soon.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he promised with a chuckle. “Very soon.”

Jeff disconnected the call feeling better but no less confused. He’d spent a lot of years avoiding romantic entanglements because of the mess his marriage had been. He’d caused pain and humiliation and those were things that he had no desire to inflict on anyone, least of all Jensen. He started this thing with Jensen thinking with his downstairs brain, it was about time he started using the upstairs one and maybe let his heart in on the action as well.


	4. Chapter 4

[](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Chapter3_zps8f8ffc8c.jpg.html) [ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jensen_zps54547bb3.png.html)

Jensen hadn’t been so busy that he wasn’t able enjoy the hiatus. He just had two commitments and he already accomplished one by going to the convention and doing some _Supernatural_ promotion in the UK. The convention hadn’t been too bad, only one really crazy moment due to a fan, but he made it through and actually enjoyed himself.

Now he was back in Texas and had started rehearsals for the play. It was different, of course, from a school play, but he wouldn’t trade the experience for anything. He was still nervous, probably would be throughout the run, but he was happy to be here.

With just over two weeks to go before opening night, rehearsals were intense as everyone wanted to get it pared down to perfection. It was an impossible task for any performance that was live and had no do-overs, but it was a good group of people and he felt comfortable with them.

He was just walking to his car when his phone went off in his pocket. Jeff had been calling or texting him every few days and Jensen was willing to admit that he always looked forward to the conversations, but that was all he was going to cop to. He dug his phone out and felt only a slight pang of disappointment that it was Jared. He didn’t take the call until he was safely inside his vehicle. 

“Hey, man, what’s up?” he answered, leaning his head against the head rest.

“Finally,” Jared said, exasperated. “I’ve called you like eleventy-billion times.”

Jensen snorted. “Okay, drama queen, dial it down a notch. What’s going on?”

“We got renewed!”

“Awesome!” He gave a fist pump and he was smiling so much it was making his face hurt. It was a relief to know for sure. Even though the talk had been pretty positive when they shut production down at the end of the season, nothing was a given for a small network and a genre show like theirs. “That’s fan-fucking-tastic news!”

“I know, right!” 

He could imagine Jared bouncing around, unable to sit still in his excitement. He kind of missed seeing that for the last couple of months and felt a little stupid for wishing that it was Jeff that had been calling instead of Jared.

“They would’ve been fucking idiots not to renew us. The fans love us.”

Jared gave a dirty little laugh. “We _inspire_ them.”

“Do not even go there, man,” Jensen warned.

“How’s it going down there?” Jared, in his typical fashion, changed gears so quickly, that if Jensen hadn’t been used to it, it would make his head spin.

“Okay. Ready for opening night to get here already.”

“Dude, I wish I could be there.”

“I know,” Jensen said quietly.

“Anyone else gonna be able to make it?” It was asked so casually, but Jensen could easily read between the lines. He was asking about Jeff.

“Don’t worry, baby, no one can take your place.”

“You wish.” Jared may not be very subtle, but he sure as hell was consistent with his persistent side. “You said you two were talking more.”

“Jared, c’mon. He’s working and besides, I already told you, we decided it worked better as friends.”

“Yeah, I know that’s what you _said_ , doesn’t mean it’s what you really want.”

“It doesn’t matter, Jare. I’m good with being just friends.”

“So… have you met anyone else, then?”

“Wouldn’t I tell if I had?”

“I dunno. Would you?” 

“ _Yes_. So, what is it? Miss me that much?”

“No! Well, kinda. It feels weird being up here in Vancouver, working without you.”

“Aww, poor widdle Jarebear. You need your blankie and your mommy, too.”

“Fuck you, Ackles.”

“ _You_ wish.”

“Your originality astounds me.”

“Like I’m the one marching around in a cape and tights, Captain Obvious.”

“ _Dude_! I would look so awesome with a cape.”

Jensen could see where this was headed. “I am _not_ gonna be your sidekick.”

“I can’t help that you’re shorter than me. That totally makes you Robin.”

“To _your_ Batman? Get the fuck out.”

Jared was the first to cave, giggling uncontrollably and Jensen couldn’t help but follow.

“Oh, hey!” Jared said excitedly. “I almost forgot to tell you. Sabrina, one of the PAs here, is from Fort Worth.”

“Amazing,” Jensen said flatly.

“No, that’s not the amazing part. She said there’s a restaurant that you need to go to. Did you have dinner yet?”

“No, was gonna wait, raid the fridge at home.”

“You totally have to go there. It’s called Tillman’s Roadhouse and she said it’s not far from the theater. Best steaks ever.”

“Jared, this is Texas. Every restaurant has the best steaks or they’re out of business.”

“No, seriously, you gotta go. She said to try the steaks or the prime rib, and you have to get the mac and cheese as a side. Oh, and, dude, you will not even guess what they have for dessert.”

Jensen’s stomach started growling at the mention of prime rib. Maybe he would have to go. “What?”

“S’mores.”

Jensen scrunched up his face. What was so great about that? “S’mores? For real?”

“Yeah, she said it’s better than sex.”

“It’s pretty easy to top my own hand, so that’s not very impressive.”

Jared barked out a laugh. “Over-sharing, man. I did _not_ need to know that.”

“Look, dude, I’m sitting here in my car. I’m gonna get going. I’ll check out the place in a couple of days or so.”

“So you’re still at the theater?”

“Was just leaving when you called, as if you didn’t know.” Jared knew his schedule better than he did. Jared claimed it was his fantastic organizational skills. Jensen thought it was more like stalkerish tendencies. It was one of the things they agreed to disagree on.

“So, you’re right there. Go tonight.”

“I’m tired, dude. Just wanna go home and relax.”

“Wait, wait. Hold on a sec.” 

Jensen could hear some scuffling then Jared enticing someone to the phone.

“Hello?” a female voice said into his ear.

“Uh… hello.”

“So, um, Jared said I have to tell you how awesome the food is at Tillman’s.”

“Oh, you must be Sabrina.”

She giggled. “Yes. You must be Jensen.”

“I am. I guess we better indulge Gigantor or he’ll never let us hang up.”

He could hear Jared saying something in the background and then Sabrina moaned loudly. “Oh my God, yes, you have to go if only for the s’mores.”

“Really that good, huh?”

“You will not believe until you taste them for yourself,” she said sounding blissed out. “They make them tableside, and, oooohhhh, it’s sooo yummy.”

“Okay, you sold me. Tell Jared he’s gonna be so jealous that I get to have it all to myself. I’ll send him a picture.”

She relayed the message and then Jared was back on the line. “We totally have to go there when I come home.”

“I’m just your guinea pig then, huh?”

“Always. So, you’re going, right?”

“Well, yeah, I am now because I won’t be able to stop thinking about the porn inducing dessert. Hit me up with some directions.”

He didn’t normally like to go to places alone, but he was hungry now and he figured he’d be able to charm some of the wait staff to take a picture of him enjoying the hell out his food that he could send to Jared. It wasn’t a total hardship. Since it was Monday, he was fairly certain the crowd would be light and he could get in and out of there in a reasonable amount of time.

The restaurant looked nice, more so than he expected with a moniker that included ‘roadhouse’. He asked the hostess for a small table in the corner and was told to wait a moment as she hurried off. He pulled a menu off the hostess’ podium and was looking it over when he felt someone come up behind him. Without looking up, he moved off to the side, but the heat of the body followed him. He was about to turn around to tell the person to back off when a familiar voice said, “Hey, fancy meeting you here.”

Jensen did turn then, a smile already on his face. “Jeff, you bastard, what’re you doing here?”

“Looking for a good steak. Jared said this was the place.”

“Yeah, I bet,” Jensen chuckled. “You could’ve just called me.”

“Wanted to surprise you,” Jeff said, his smile warm. “Have dinner with me?”

“If you’re buying, I’m staying,” Jensen joked.

“Of course.” 

Jensen’s fingers twitched as he tried to hold back the desire to hug the man. He and Jeff had always greeted each other that way before, but Jeff wasn’t making a move and Jensen felt unaccountably shy. He would take his cues from Jeff, unwilling to push where maybe it wasn’t welcome anymore.

The blonde, bubbly hostess came back then and escorted them toward the back of the restaurant. She was a bit giggly, and definitely kept checking Jeff out. He knew how she felt. Jeff looked good, clean-shaven, and tanned, and Jesus, Jensen needed to get away from that line of thinking.

They got up to speed on what the other had been up to over wine while they waited on their prime rib. Jensen was still a little puzzled why Jeff had gone through all the trouble to set this up through Jared. It had all the connotations of being a date and no matter how hard he tried, Jensen couldn’t shake that feeling.

After they lingered over dinner and more wine, they finally got a taste of the fabulous dessert. It was pretty awesome and Jensen was going to tease the hell out of Jared that he didn’t get to have any. Throughout it all, Jeff kept watching him with those soulful, beautiful eyes and it was more than a bit discomforting.

“Jeff, what’s going on here?” Jensen asked, his voice low and uncertain.

“Nothing more than you want.”

Jensen straightened up in his chair and set his fork down carefully onto the table. “You know what I want.”

Jeff smiled sadly. “I do. I’m just afraid I’m too late.”

Jensen took a couple of breaths, looked at Jeff, and considered. It was really too broad of a subject to let it go unquestioned. “No games tonight.”

“No. None. Not anymore.”

“Why the sudden change of heart?”

Jeff snorted. “Believe me, it’s not sudden. I’ve been thinking about it for a while, especially the last couple of months.”

“And you’re what… ready for a relationship now?”

Jeff’s big hand covered his, all warm and strong, the thumb stroking across Jensen’s skin sending a small tingle of pleasure racing up his spine. “I know I want to try. _You_ make me want to try.”

“What happened to all your _casual_ bullshit?”

“Well, that’s what it was.” Jeff chuckled. “All a load of crap. I went to someone I knew I could trust and talked it out with her. Basically she told me love is supposed to be difficult, but it’s worthwhile if you find the right person.”

Jensen quirked an eyebrow. “Sounds like I need to thank her.”

“Mom’s always been able to kick my ass when I’ve needed it.”

“You talked to your mom about me?” Jensen couldn’t help the flush of pleasure that swept through him. Jeff was very close to his mom, and Jensen knew he trusted her and relied on her advice.

“I’m serious about this, Jen. Laying it all on the line… I’m scared shitless, but I do want more. I want all that craziness that comes with being involved with someone.”

Jensen’s thoughts were all jumbled. This is what he’d wanted for so long, but Jeff had been so sure he couldn’t be in a relationship, would he bail at the first sign of trouble?

“How long are you here?” 

“I fly out late tomorrow night. Wish I could be here for one of your performances, but I was hoping that maybe I could catch a rehearsal.”

“Definitely. Where are you staying?”

“Some swanky joint downtown.”

Jensen smirked. “There’s a Motel 6 down the road if you’d be more comfortable.”

“I wouldn’t mind. A bed’s a bed, doesn’t really matter where it is.”

“If you would’ve told me you were coming, I could’ve fixed you up.”

“Then I wouldn’t have gotten to see that look on your face when you first saw me.”

Jensen rolled his eyes. “So you and Jared worked it all out, huh?”

Jeff nodded, looked apologetic. “I was nervous. Jared was the only one I could call to suss out the situation.”

Jared’s questions from earlier now made sense. “You told Jared why you were coming here?”

Jeff’s hands went up in supplication. “I just called him to check out your schedule, see how you were doing. The boy’s not dumb. He figured me out in a hot minute. Don’t be mad at him.”

“Not mad.” And he wasn’t, but he _was_ going to have to do some ass kicking the next time he saw Jared. Cloak and dagger shit was not cool between best friends. “You really should’ve talked to _me_.”

“You’re right, but give me a break here, sweetheart, I’m trying,” Jeff said earnestly, his eyes pleading.

And that wasn’t fair, playing the ‘sweetheart’ card with that whiskey rough voice. “Pulling out all the stops, aren’t you?”

“Gotta use what I have.”

“You don’t need any of that. You had me at hello.”

Jeff snorted. “I’m no Tom Cruise.”

“Thank God for that,” Jensen said fervently. “So… you ready to head out, show me that posh room of yours?”

“You… you’re sure?”

“Unless you’re going to change your mind in the morning?”

“Hell no.”

“Then let’s get the fuck out of here.”

[ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jeff_zps1415e10b.png.html)

Jeff was more nervous than he could ever remember being. Jensen had asked to take a shower and the invitation for Jeff to join him had been unspoken, but Jeff decided against it. Grabbed a beer out of the mini-bar instead, thankful that he had a suite so he could sit on some real furniture instead of only having a bed.

Getting the best friend seal of approval had helped. Jared would’ve told him to fuck off if he didn’t think Jensen wanted to see him. And although he had hoped that maybe he and Jensen would get up to a little something, the most he’d dared to picture was a hot little make out session. Then again, Jensen had never been shy about going after what he wanted.

He heard the bathroom door open and he was half-way back to the mini-bar when Jensen padded out wearing only a very plush white robe, his skin flushed pink from the heat of the shower. It was a short robe and Jeff’s eyes were drawn to the sexy bow legs that he’d had more than one fantasy about.

Jeff cleared his throat to get his mind from going where it shouldn’t too quickly. “Something to drink?”

“Sure. Beer sounds good,” Jensen said easily as he walked over to the terrace door and looked out at the city, now twinkling with lights since the sun had gone down. They were on the top floor and the view was gorgeous. Jeff couldn’t take his eyes off Jensen, so it wouldn’t have mattered if there hadn’t been any windows at all.

“You want to go outside?” he asked, handing Jensen his drink.

“Nah. This is nice right here.”

“Not gonna disagree with you there.”

They stood there, quietly sipping at their drinks, and watched the cityscape. It was a nice relaxing moment, but then Jensen turned, moved right into Jeff’s space, his eyes dark with desire. “Been waiting a long time for another kiss from you.”

Jeff knew he could’ve come back with something funny if his brain was functioning, but with Jensen pressed against him and the robe being the only thing keeping him from touching all of his naked skin, there wasn’t a thought to be had. “God, how did I get so lucky,” he said softly, brushing a thumb across Jensen’s lower lip.

“Shut up.”

“Pushy.”

“Want to test just how pushy I can be?”

“Some other time,” Jeff said before claiming Jensen’s mouth. At first it was a slow, sensual kiss, tasting each other again, their tongues meeting and tangling for several minutes. A sudden loud noise had them pulling apart, stunned for a moment until Jeff realized his beer had slipped from his fingers and fallen to the floor. Thankfully it was mostly empty, so he grabbed it up quickly, set it on the small table standing nearby, and then took possession of Jensen’s drink to put it next to his. Jensen pulled him back in immediately, his hand going to Jeff’s waist, slid around to his ass, and ground his pelvis into his. 

The robe’s belt came untied from the friction, or maybe Jensen had loosened it before, Jeff wasn’t too sure of anything as his fingertips glided over Jensen’s toned skin. “Yeah,” Jensen breathed, “touch me.”

Jeff didn’t need to be asked twice and curled his fingers around Jensen’s half-hard cock, stroked it slowly a few times, could feel it filling up from his touch. “I’m wearing too many clothes,” Jeff murmured against Jensen’s neck. “Let’s take this to the bedroom.”

Jensen kissed him then, brutal with teeth nipping, his lips pushed hard against Jeff’s, but he got them walking, or perhaps it was more demanding than that. Their mouths barely separated until they made it to the bed. Jensen moved away, his movements slow and deliberate, as he let the robe fall to the floor and climbed onto the bed.

Jeff’s hands were shaking a little as he quickly shed his clothes. It was probably a mixture of nerves and adrenaline. This wasn’t a casual fuck, this meant something and he wanted it to be perfect. He had the presence of mind to grab the lube and a condom out of his duffle before he got into bed beside Jensen, who gave him a knowing smirk. So maybe Jeff _had_ hoped for more than just making out. Sue him.

They rolled toward each other, Jeff tucking the supplies under the pillow before he dropped his arm over Jensen’s waist as Jensen threw a leg over Jeff’s, lining up their cocks. They slid together fairly easily, Jensen already wet with pre-come and Jeff not too far behind with the friction Jensen created as he rolled his hips.

“Slow down,” Jeff said before moving in for a kiss, hoping to get back to slow and sensual.

“Slow is for later. I want you to fuck me now, feel that fat cock of yours split me in two.”

“Jesus.” Jeff reached for the lube as Jensen moved onto his back, spread his legs wide, took hold of the base of his dick with one hand, stroking it slowly, used his other hand to lift his balls. Not one to be able to resist such a beautiful sight, Jeff kneeled between Jensen’s legs and took it all in.

“C’mon, Jeff. Or do you wanna watch me get myself ready? Stick my fingers in, slick it up, loosen myself up so I’m all ready for you to slide right in.”

Jeff’s answer was to open the lube and get Jensen’s fingers nice and coated, and damn if it wasn’t the best thing he’d ever seen as Jensen’s finger traced his tight pucker before it disappeared inside. A few strokes in and out and then a second finger joined in, his cock hard and flush against his stomach.

“Get the condom,” Jensen groaned, making Jeff feel like he was a teenager fumbling around with his first time. He could barely take his eyes off Jensen, his own body hot with need, his cock head wet with desire.

Jeff lunged at the pillow, got his fingers around the small, square packet and already had it between his teeth, ripping it open as he got back onto his knees. “God, I hope you’re ready.” Jeff barely could stand to get the condom on, didn’t want the extra stimulation, didn’t need it.

As Jensen pulled his fingers free, Jeff wrapped his arms around Jensen’s thighs and pulled him in close before spreading them wide. He got some lube on himself and more on Jensen and then he was pushing in. Jensen arched his head back against the pillows, a small grunt of pain following the initial breach and Jeff waited for Jensen’s face to clear before he moved any further. When he finally bottomed out, he was panting, feeling like he’d just run a marathon instead of just getting started fucking what his heart, mind and body had been craving for a long time.

“Goddamn, you feel so good,” Jeff said before moving in to claim another kiss. It wasn’t a long one, just sloppy and fast, unable to be maintained with the pace Jeff was setting. His hips snapped furiously, the sound of skin slapping together filled the room, turning Jeff on even more. He leaned down onto his elbows, stretched his legs behind him and rutted into his lover with abandon. 

Jensen wrapped his legs around Jeff’s waist, arching and bucking up against him. Jensen didn’t keep his mouth still either, a steady stream of curses and grunts constantly flowed. It was so fucking sexy, and it amped things even high so that Jeff could hardly control himself and he was coming before he wanted. He stayed sheathed inside Jensen as he reared back, got his hand around Jensen once again and stroked him to completion.

Jeff took a few moments to catch his breath before carefully sliding out of Jensen and off the bed to dispose of the condom in the bathroom, grabbing a towel on the way back. He flopped down on the bed, tossing the towel onto Jensen, who huffed out a laugh.

“Anyone ever tell you you’re insatiable.”

“No,” Jensen said, his voice quiet and thoughtful.

Jeff rolled over, fitting his body in close to Jensen. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Just…”

He waited, but Jensen busied himself with cleaning up. “Just what?” Jeff prompted softly.

“I didn’t mean to push.”

“Hey,” Jeff said, using his finger under his chin so Jensen’s eyes finally met his. “I’m not complaining. Unless _you_ changed your mind?”

“No, I didn’t. We probably should’ve taken this slower. I mean, maybe not had sex right away.”

“Well, you’ve been waiting for me to get off my ass for a long time now. Can’t blame you for losing your shit.”

He got the grin he was looking for, but Jensen still looked uncertain. “It’s not like I haven’t thought of the downsides of a relationship.”

“Jen, I told you, it’s not new to me either. I’ve been thinking about it. There are some plusses in leaving the public out of a relationship. We can get away with a lot since we were in a show together. Hell, we’ve both said it in every interview we’ve had where it’s come up that we like working with each other, enjoy hanging out together. We laid the groundwork without even really knowing it. This way, yeah, there might be some speculation, but no one’s gonna know for sure.”

“You gonna have some girl for cover?”

“Haven’t really thought about that,” Jeff said, scratching his fingers through his hair. “I don’t really see the need for it, at least on my end. I’ve been in relationships publicly with women before. You want to do that, have a smokescreen?”

Jensen closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’ve done it in the past and hated it. I don’t like doing it.”

“I won’t get upset if you need to have a pretty girl on your arm once in a while.”

“Might have to do that.” Jensen’s voice was so quiet, Jeff had to lean in to hear it. “My publicist is insistent sometimes. I got a couple of friends who help me out when I need it. But I won’t ever label them as my girlfriend or anything.”

“Just let me know before pictures show up somewhere.”

“Well, yeah, sure.”

He laid his hand on Jensen’s hip, and rubbed his thumb back and forth lightly. “I can’t make a guarantee here, Jen. I _do_ know that I want to be with you. These past couple of months I couldn’t get you out of my head. And it’s not just sex. I like knowing that we can bitch to each other about scenes that don’t go right, or I can give you shit about your crappy sports teams, or just inane, little every day stuff. I’m gonna make damn sure I’m doing what I need to in order to keep us together.”

Jensen looked more settled, relieved. “There is one thing I can’t do, though,” Jeff said thoughtfully.

Jensen reared back and narrowed his eyes. “What’s that?”

“You have to get your geek on with Jared. I don’t know all that video gaming crap that you two get into. Buncha nerds.”

Jensen punched him in the arm, kind of hard, too, but Jeff couldn’t help but laugh as Jensen called him a _dumbass_ under his breath.

“You gonna spend the night here?” Jeff nuzzled into Jensen’s neck. 

“If you don’t mind.” Jensen canted his head, giving Jeff better access.

“I have some handcuffs I was planning on breaking out if I needed to keep you here.”

“Kinky bastard,” Jensen said with a yawn.

“Tired?”

“Little,” Jensen admitted, his eyes already closed.

“Let’s get some sleep. We’ve got almost the whole day tomorrow to spend together.”

Jensen gave a satisfied sigh. “Looking forward to that.”

“Me too.” Jeff gave him a light kiss before maneuvering them around enough to get the blankets pulled over them and then got his arms around Jensen. It was one of the little intimacies he’d never allowed himself before and it felt freeing, felt right. Finally, he’d found the right one.


	5. Epilogue

[](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Epilogue_zps63f69466.jpg.html) [ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/Jensen_zps54547bb3.png.html)

_Vancouver – October 2011_

It was only about half past seven in the morning and Jensen was already sitting on the back patio, showered and dressed in sweats, a mug of steaming coffee in his hand as he watched Bisou and Bandit frolicking in the newly fallen leaves. 

Sunday was his official ‘do not even try to kick me out of bed before noon’ day, and given that he and Jeff had been busy getting _reacquainted_ until damn near dawn, he thought he’d be lucky to be conscious before mid-afternoon. Had been counting on it, truth be told. He could use the rest. Unfortunately, after only a few hours of sleep, Jensen found himself wide awake. 

They hadn’t seen each other for over a month and that was way too fucking long. Jeff had been busy filming in Miami and there was no way Jensen could even contemplate getting time off. Sometimes it just worked out that way for them, but in the four years that they’d been together, they’d been pretty good at not going past more than two or three weeks without getting some time together.

“What are you doing up?” Jeff’s voice was scratchy from sleep.

Jensen craned his head back to see Jeff leaning against the doorframe dressed only in a pair of jeans, his eyes clouded with sleep and his hair adorably rumpled. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“Thought I pretty much guaranteed that you wouldn’t be up until at least one or two,” Jeff said with a leer.

Bisou bounded up the brick steps to get a scratch behind the ears and some baby talk from her master before a yip from Bandit had her sailing back out into the yard.

“Too wired, I guess,” Jensen said with a shrug.

Jeff sat down beside him, letting out a long sigh. “Looks like we got some yard work to do today.”

“We can get a landscaping company out here. They’ll have the leaves cleaned up in no time.”

“I dunno,” Jeff said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Jensen frowned. “You don’t know what?”

“I kinda want to do it myself.”

Jensen couldn’t help but smile. “Feeling a little domesticated?” 

“Shuddup. Man’s got a right to take care of his own house.”

They’d bought said house two years ago. It made sense. Jensen spent at least eight months of the year in Vancouver and Jeff liked the area, had plenty of jobs here, too. It was nice to have a place that was theirs. Jensen didn’t tell Jeff that he liked having Jeff’s stuff around when he wasn’t. It grounded Jensen, especially when the times between seeing each other seemed to stretch on endlessly.

Jensen finished off his coffee and set the cup down on the ground. “Hey, knock yourself out. I have to go to work tomorrow.”

“You won’t help?”

“The most strenuous thing I’d planned to do today was getting out of bed.”

Jeff chuckled. “Is that right?” 

“Yep. So, my checklist is done.”

“I s’pose I can put yard work off till tomorrow. A day of watching football and lazing on the couch with you sounds pretty damn good.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

“You do have one other thing to do, though.”

“Really? And what would that be?” Jensen asked, pitching his voice low and cocking an eyebrow.

“Finalize Thanksgiving.”

Jensen groaned. “It’s not even November yet!”

“You’re the one that wanted to get everyone up here for the holiday.”

Production usually shut down for the American Thanksgiving holiday, but it was always such a rush to try to go to Texas or Seattle to visit with family that it really wasn’t all that enjoyable. This year Jeff had a nice block of time off through November and December, so Jensen asked if he’d be willing to host the families for Thanksgiving and Jeff readily agreed.

Most of their family and friends had accepted his relationship with Jeff without question. The one person he’d never thought he’d have trouble with – his brother, Josh, the first person Jensen had come out to – didn’t like it. He had protested the age difference, was afraid that Jensen would always defer to Jeff. Jensen resented his brother’s insinuation, and it had put a strain on their relationship for a long time. It wasn’t until a year ago that Josh finally came around and Jensen suspected that Jeff had some sort of talk with Josh, but neither would say.

It was something Jensen craved now, having his family here, at their house, to share in a get together. Jared’s family was visiting as well and Jeff told Jensen he shouldn’t even pretend he didn’t want them to come over, too. It was a good thing they had a fairly decent sized house because it was going to be packed to the rafters. And Jensen’s couldn’t be happier.

“Your mom’s coming, right?”

Jeff nodded. “Yeah. Already got her flight booked. She’s looking forward to seeing everyone again.”

“I know my mom will want to take over in the kitchen and for sure when Jared’s mom gets here, we won’t even be allowed in the kitchen. So… there, Thanksgiving’s planned.”

“When did you turn into such a lazyass?”

“Hey!” Jensen protested. “What? You want me to cook? We’ll end up with hamburgers or something on the grill. And seriously, burgers for Thanksgiving?”

Jeff gave him a half shrug. “Wouldn’t bother me.”

“You’ve met my mother, right? No way in hell we’re having anything besides turkey and all the fixin’s.”

Jeff seemed to consider that statement. “Yeah, you’re right. She is a little fussbudget.”

“You _must_ want your ass beat today. Don’t insult my momma.”

“I didn’t. You’re the one that brought her up. And I’m not afraid of a scrawny thing like you.”

That right there was just an out and out challenge. Jensen stood up, his stance wide and brought his fists up into a fighter’s pose. “Wanna call me scrawny again?”

Jeff tilted his head to and fro, scratched his knuckles against his chin. “Nah, guess not. You do have your weaknesses though and I know ’em all.”

Jensen’s eyebrow nearly crept into his hairline at that. They were pretty much a match physically and neither of them was above fighting dirty. He didn’t have to wait long for Jeff to make his move as he reached out, wrapped his fingers around Jensen’s wrist and pulled, sending him tumbling down into his lap. Jensen started to straddle Jeff, intent on letting him make up for taking shots at his mom. Jeff didn’t seem inclined to seek forgiveness, instead zeroed in on Jensen’s most ticklish spots.

“Oh, fuck you, Morgan.” Jensen tried to hold back a giggle, but it was impossible as Jeff’s nimble fingers continued on their quest. Jensen quickly squirmed free, half falling onto the patio, enabling Jeff to grab hold of his ankle, and keeping Jensen right where he was. Bisou and Bandit got in on the action and decided he was down there expressly for their attention and slobbered all over his face.

Jensen gently batted the animals away and wiped at his face. “Gross. Now I’m gonna have to go take another shower.”

“They’re just asserting their territory,” Jeff said, sliding down onto the concrete to sit beside Jensen.

“What territory? Me?”

“Yeah, don’t even try to tell me Jared hasn’t been here with Sadie and Harley while we’ve been away.”

“Well, sure he has.” Jensen felt a little guilty and showered the pups with some extra pets and crooning over what good kids they were.

“They’ve missed you, Jen,” Jeff said with a small grin. “You’re _their_ human and just wanted to remind you of that fact.”

It was on the tip of Jensen’s tongue to say they weren’t the only ones that were doing some ‘reminding’, but honestly, he liked when Jeff staked his claim over him, as he did last night. It hadn’t been an easy four years – the separations, jealousy, and keeping the relationship quiet had all taken their toll. At first, Jensen had a difficult time seeing Jeff with any female, co-star or just a friend, due to Jeff’s past – that he could fuck a guy, be friends with him, but he didn’t want to date him. And at the beginning, Jeff had trouble shedding what had become an ingrained instinct, to go for the woman over the man. It took a while for both of them to work through all of that.

Then there was the fact that Jeff had almost outed them on more than one occasion in the past couple of years. A lot of fans already suspected and Jensen was sure most of them wouldn’t care, would be happy for them. It was just nice not to have this one part of his life scrutinized. Plus, he didn’t need a public declaration from Jeff that he loved him and wanted to be with him. The people that were important in his life knew and believed in them and that’s all a man could really ask for.

“You wanna come take a shower with me?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Jeff said with a smirk.

Jensen leaned in for a long, soft kiss. “I love you,” he said quietly, his eyes burning into Jeff’s.

Jeff looked at him curiously for a moment before answering, “Love you, too. You okay?”

“Just asserting _my_ territory.”

It was a while before they finally made it to the shower, and then later still to the couch, wrapped up in each other as they watched Seattle lose to Cleveland. Jensen may have gone a little overboard on the celebration when Dallas crushed St. Louis, but Jeff found fun and creative ways to shut him up. In a couple of weeks the Cowboys and the Seahawks would meet and one of their favored teams would walk away losers. Insults would be traded and someone would have lost a bet or two, but Jensen wouldn’t trade any of it for the world.

[ ](http://s417.photobucket.com/user/tmn1966/media/TheEnd_zps43d9366c.png.html)


End file.
